so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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