We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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