if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
