RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
