my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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