i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
