I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize