Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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