R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
