why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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