Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
