The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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