I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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