I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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