so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were destined to go to rehab together
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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