It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
