What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
