And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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