if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone came in the potted fern
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
