so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
