he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
