I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
