Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
