After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
