Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
