i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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