i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
