Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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