I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
