My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize