So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
