Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
