I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
