Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
