the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
