I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
