Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
