Hey man sorry I got all grabby
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
