I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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