Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
