Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so let's talk penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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