Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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