dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
