Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
