he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
