just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize