I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
