I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
