you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
