I need help removing her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
