Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
