im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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