Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
