doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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