I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
