Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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