I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
