We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
