I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
