im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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