she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's never too late to be topless.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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