flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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