The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
