Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
