I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
