I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize